Episode 44: Most Codependable

Love addiction comes with a set of symptoms leading to a pattern of dysfunctional relationships; whether we tend to be more anxious or more avoidant (or both), we may find ourselves in the push/pull of addictive relationships more than once. Then, after each relationship we say "I'll never do that again", fully intending to make some changes, but...

Even if we enter love addiction recovery and address the symptoms, we may still find that we're unknowingly driven by outdated messages telling us who we're supposed to be and how we're supposed to live our lives. Why? Because of inherited cultural beliefs that infiltrate our decision-making.

In this episode, I discuss these cultural beliefs--how they fuel love addiction and can meddle with life in recovery, too. I also review the symptoms of codependence and love addiction and talk about the impact that seemingly benign labels can have on kids.

Show notes & resources:

Jodi's website: jodiwhiteonline.com

Books referenced: Facing Codependence and Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody and Ready to Heal by Kelly McDaniel

Album referenced: Tragic Kingdom by No Doubt

Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.

Episode 35: When He's Married To Mom with Dr. Kenneth Adams

When we're enmeshed with a parent we might feel responsible for taking care of them emotionally, and guilty if we don't do what they expect of us. And while enmeshment is often uncomfortable, it may also come with feeling special and can be very challenging to recognize and overcome.

In this episode, I talk with Dr. Kenneth Adams, therapist, and author of "When He's Married to Mom", about mother-enmeshed men: What is childhood like for them? What are their adult relationships like? And how to recover from enmeshment and have functional adult relationships (with both partners and parents).

Episode 34: All About the Scapegoat with Mary Toolan

Are you familiar with the concept of assigned family roles; roles assigned in childhood that are either falsely empowering or disempowering? Maybe you've heard of The Hero, The Lost Child, or The Scapegoat? But what does all of this mean?

In this episode, I discuss The Hero and Lost Child, and how these roles contribute to love avoidance or addiction. And I talk with London-based coach, Mary Toolan, regarding the role known as the toxic family's dustbin: The Scapegoat.

Episode 30: Like a Tornado of Sticks & Poo

Love addiction gets messy. It's full of intensity, shame, and regression that leads us to behave regretfully, or as I say, 'like a tornado of sticks and poo'.

In this episode, I celebrate six years in recovery by revisiting Pia Mellody's symptoms of love addiction; and by providing examples of how these symptoms looked for me during nearly three decades of addicted relationships.

Episode 24: Functional Adulting with Daniel Gowan

There's lots of talk about adulting and being a 'mature adult', but what does all of that even mean? Are we adults because we have responsibilities, or we're parents, or (we think) we behave maturely?

In this episode, I invite Daniel Gowan back to discuss Pia Mellody's concept of the Functional Adult. We also cover Pia's five core symptoms of codependence (aka the five 'buckets'), reparenting, and how to live in action vs. reaction.

Episode 11: Best Girlfriend Ever

Love addiction is rooted in codependence; it comes with boundary issues, dependency issues, and self-esteem issues, which leads us to look externally (often to our partners) for a sense of worthiness.

In this episode, I discuss my history of trying to prove my value in relationships, and how that led to resentment and more dysfunctional behavior. I also discuss what happens when attachment wounds are triggered and what we can do in those painful moments.

Episode 10: An Interview with Daniel Gowan

What’s it like to grow up as The Hero of the family? Hint: It’s not as awesome as it sounds. In this episode, I talk with Rev. Daniel Gowan, LPC-S, regarding his upbringing as a Hero and his personal experience with love addiction, avoidance, and codependence. We also discuss his recovery journey, how this led him to Pia Mellody’s work, and how all of it has influenced him as a therapist.

Episode 9: Just So

Do you struggle with consistency? Does your desire to do All The Things - and do them perfectly - get in the way of actually DOING anything at all? In this episode, I explore the connection between codependence, love addiction, and the tendency to over-function; how shame feeds our dysfunctional behavior; and how sometimes, even when we think we’re just wasting time, we might actually be learning our most valuable lessons.

Episode 8: An Interview with Sarah Bridge: Part 2

What do seduction, fantasy, obsession, self-medicating, and withdrawal have in common? They're all parts of the cycle of love addiction.

In this episode, I continue my conversation with Sarah Bridge, LCSW. Listen as we discuss the love addiction cycle, as well as what happens in co-addicted relationships between Love Addicts and Love Avoidants.

Episode 7: An Interview with Sarah Bridge: Part 1

Fantasy is a big part of love addiction; it’s what keeps us hooked in our co-addicted relationships as we try to make a partner into who we want them to be instead of accepting the reality of who they are. In this episode, I discuss the role of fantasy in love addiction, how it “works”, and how it all begins in childhood as a way to escape.

What is codependence? Pia Mellody, the author of the book "Facing Codependence", says it's a disease of immaturity caused by childhood relational trauma... and it causes lots of issues in our adult relationships.

In this episode (part one of a two part series), I talk with Sarah Bridge, LCSW, about the core symptoms of codependence, assigned family roles and post-induction therapy. Sarah is a therapist in private practice who works closely with Pia Mellody and trains other therapists in Pia's model at The Meadows in Wickenburg, AZ.