Episode 44: Most Codependable

Love addiction comes with a set of symptoms leading to a pattern of dysfunctional relationships; whether we tend to be more anxious or more avoidant (or both), we may find ourselves in the push/pull of addictive relationships more than once. Then, after each relationship we say "I'll never do that again", fully intending to make some changes, but...

Even if we enter love addiction recovery and address the symptoms, we may still find that we're unknowingly driven by outdated messages telling us who we're supposed to be and how we're supposed to live our lives. Why? Because of inherited cultural beliefs that infiltrate our decision-making.

In this episode, I discuss these cultural beliefs--how they fuel love addiction and can meddle with life in recovery, too. I also review the symptoms of codependence and love addiction and talk about the impact that seemingly benign labels can have on kids.

Show notes & resources:

Jodi's website: jodiwhiteonline.com

Books referenced: Facing Codependence and Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody and Ready to Heal by Kelly McDaniel

Album referenced: Tragic Kingdom by No Doubt

Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.

Episode 35: When He's Married To Mom with Dr. Kenneth Adams

When we're enmeshed with a parent we might feel responsible for taking care of them emotionally, and guilty if we don't do what they expect of us. And while enmeshment is often uncomfortable, it may also come with feeling special and can be very challenging to recognize and overcome.

In this episode, I talk with Dr. Kenneth Adams, therapist, and author of "When He's Married to Mom", about mother-enmeshed men: What is childhood like for them? What are their adult relationships like? And how to recover from enmeshment and have functional adult relationships (with both partners and parents).

Episode 21: Talking Therapy & Trauma with Tyndal Schreiner

Mental health is an important topic, and thanks to social media its become a more widely discussed topic than in previous years. But while these platforms can provide lots of information, there's also misinformation--especially when it comes to how we talk about trauma and 'healing'.

In this episode, I talk with Tyndal Schreiner, a fellow Texas therapist, about being a therapist on Instagram and the importance of professional boundaries. We also discuss the process of becoming a therapist and a few valuable lessons they learned along the way.

Episode 20: An Interview with Guru Singh

What does 'home' mean to you? Is it a sense of safety? Belonging? Connection?

In this episode, I talk with my teacher, Guru Singh, about our first meeting 24 years ago, and how it helped me create a new perspective of what home is and changed the trajectory of my life. We also cover relationships, addiction, spirituality, boredom, and much more in one epic hour of conversation.

Episode 19: An Interview with Chris Marshall of Sans Bar

Sobriety is wonderful, but like lots of things in life, it's not always a pocketful of rainbows. And with nearly 15 years of sobriety, Chris Marshall, founder of Sans Bar in Austin, really gets this.

In this episode, Chris and I talk about embracing uncertainty in recovery, the importance of accepting that there are different paths to sobriety versus a one-size-fits-all approach, that it's okay to reconsider labels that may no longer serve you and much more.

Episode 18: The Connection Between Trauma & How We Work with Nicole Lewis-Keeber

Do you love your work? And, equally, as important, does it love you back? This is a question that business therapist Nicole Lewis-Keeber asks readers in her book, "How to Love Your Business: Stop Recreating Trauma and Have a Business You Love- And That Loves You Back".

In this episode, I talk with Nicole about a time when she considered closing her business, but instead- thanks to an early morning aha moment- she rebuilt it. This pivotal moment ultimately led Nicole to a loving relationship with her work, as well as writing a book about how our history with trauma can sabotage us in business and what we can do about it.

Episode 17: Brooke- A Breakup Story (Part Two)

Sometimes a breakup is The End, but sometimes we go back and try it again- especially when we're talking about love addiction and codependency. As Jerry Seinfeld said, "Everybody knows the first breakup never takes".

In this episode, I follow up with my friend, Brooke, as we reconnect regarding what's transpired since her breakup last year (covered in Episode 2). Listen as we discuss how Part Two of Brooke's breakup got started, why it ended, and how going back again with the right tools can actually provide a lot of useful information for our recovery.

Episode 16: Mother Hunger with Kelly McDaniel, Part Three

In the previous two episodes, author and therapist Kelly McDaniel has explained Mother Hunger, how it happens, and provided some well-known cases of Mother Hunger from her forthcoming book for reference.

In Part Three, we continue our conversation with the definition of Third-Degree Mother Hunger, as well as the steps involved in the healing process.

Episode 15: Mother Hunger with Kelly McDaniel, Part Two

Nurturance, guidance, and protection are three developmental needs for appropriate brain development in childhood; but what happens if any (or all) of these are inconsistently provided?

In this episode, I continue the Mother Hunger discussion with author and therapist, Kelly McDaniel. Listen as we talk about the importance of protection, how daughters look to their mothers for guidance, and how carried shame messes everything up.

Episode 14: Mother Hunger with Kelly McDaniel, Part One

Mothers are valuable: they're our first love and the source of everything we need to survive. But what happens when a mother doesn't get the support she needs, or is struggling with her own unresolved trauma?

In this episode (part one of a three-part series), I talk with Kelly McDaniel, author of "Ready to Heal”, about her upcoming book "Mother Hunger: How Adult Daughters Can Understand and Heal from Lost Nurturance, Protection, and Guidance". The conversation includes a definition of Mother Hunger, how it happens, and how it can affect us.

Episode 13: Nothing Special

Why do we stay in co-addicted relationships, believing 'that one' person's validation is the key to our fulfillment? What drives us to pursue a fantasy, only to be disappointed when confronted by reality? In this episode, I talk about books, Zen meditation, the role of dopamine in love addiction, and how finding our own 'nothing special' is actually really awesome.

Episode 12: An Interview with Alex Katehakis

What is healthy sex? And intimate sex? And how about healthy sex in recovery? I have so many questions for my guest, Alex Katehakis, a sexuality expert and author of the book, Erotic Intelligence. In this episode, we discuss the four cornerstones of intimacy, how stress interferes with desire, sex as a spiritual practice, and so much more.

Episode 11: Best Girlfriend Ever

Love addiction is rooted in codependence; it comes with boundary issues, dependency issues, and self-esteem issues, which leads us to look externally (often to our partners) for a sense of worthiness.

In this episode, I discuss my history of trying to prove my value in relationships, and how that led to resentment and more dysfunctional behavior. I also discuss what happens when attachment wounds are triggered and what we can do in those painful moments.

Episode 10: An Interview with Daniel Gowan

What’s it like to grow up as The Hero of the family? Hint: It’s not as awesome as it sounds. In this episode, I talk with Rev. Daniel Gowan, LPC-S, regarding his upbringing as a Hero and his personal experience with love addiction, avoidance, and codependence. We also discuss his recovery journey, how this led him to Pia Mellody’s work, and how all of it has influenced him as a therapist.

Episode 9: Just So

Do you struggle with consistency? Does your desire to do All The Things - and do them perfectly - get in the way of actually DOING anything at all? In this episode, I explore the connection between codependence, love addiction, and the tendency to over-function; how shame feeds our dysfunctional behavior; and how sometimes, even when we think we’re just wasting time, we might actually be learning our most valuable lessons.

Episode 8: An Interview with Sarah Bridge: Part 2

What do seduction, fantasy, obsession, self-medicating, and withdrawal have in common? They're all parts of the cycle of love addiction.

In this episode, I continue my conversation with Sarah Bridge, LCSW. Listen as we discuss the love addiction cycle, as well as what happens in co-addicted relationships between Love Addicts and Love Avoidants.

Episode 7: An Interview with Sarah Bridge: Part 1

Fantasy is a big part of love addiction; it’s what keeps us hooked in our co-addicted relationships as we try to make a partner into who we want them to be instead of accepting the reality of who they are. In this episode, I discuss the role of fantasy in love addiction, how it “works”, and how it all begins in childhood as a way to escape.

What is codependence? Pia Mellody, the author of the book "Facing Codependence", says it's a disease of immaturity caused by childhood relational trauma... and it causes lots of issues in our adult relationships.

In this episode (part one of a two part series), I talk with Sarah Bridge, LCSW, about the core symptoms of codependence, assigned family roles and post-induction therapy. Sarah is a therapist in private practice who works closely with Pia Mellody and trains other therapists in Pia's model at The Meadows in Wickenburg, AZ.

Episode 6: A Prefab Fantasy

Fantasy is a big part of love addiction; it’s what keeps us hooked in our co-addicted relationships as we try to make a partner into who we want them to be instead of accepting the reality of who they are. In this episode I discuss the role of fantasy in love addiction, how it “works”, and how it all begins in childhood as a way to escape.

Episode 5: Playing it Sexy

When a relationship ends, Love Addicts can spend a lot of energy trying to put it back together. In this episode, I discuss how playing the 'sexy/cool girlfriend' never actually worked, and how hopeful hookups during on-again/off-again relationships kept me stuck in co-addicted cycles with partners. I also talk with Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, Dr. Stevie Stanford, regarding the differences and similarities between sex and love addiction, and why we're constantly trying to fill a void.

Episode 4: The Thing Is

Lots of people have a Thing - something that needs to be addressed in order to be the healthiest version of oneself; but sometimes that Thing is intertwined with another, much bigger Thing. In this episode, I talk about my experience with alcohol and how it was intertwined with my love addiction (AKA: The Big Thing) from a young age. My friend, Sondra Primeaux (The Unruffled Podcast), shares her history with her Things (codependence and alcohol) and how honesty, boundaries, and recovery have changed everything.