Journals of a Love Addict

The Blog

Toxic Thoughts In My Direction

Toxic Thoughts In My Direction

During my love addiction, I definitely harmed myself with self-criticism; but I couldn't hold onto my awareness of this long enough to make any change. The journal entries outline a pattern of noticing my self-defeating behavior (perfectionism, high expectations, being hard on myself) by briefly realizing Aha! I'm the problem and then seconds later scolding myself for being the problem.

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Suddenly, That Summer

Suddenly, That Summer

I couldn't have known it at the time, but this was my first memorable shame attack and my earliest recollection of feeling that its not safe to be me...I should be more careful...I can't let my guard down when I'm out there in the world. In other words, I unconsciously absorbed responsibility for what happened and assumed it must have been my fault.

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A Friend for the End of the World

A Friend for the End of the World

When I read this 20 years after writing the entry, my initial reaction was an eye-roll and shaming thoughts consisting of "I sound like such a victim. A spoiled brat. Why did I let that go on for so long?" In other words, I had very little empathy for myself; that is until I went further back in my journal and realized WHY I didn't end it.

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